Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Shah Rukh’s KKR Cheer Leaders to cover up...in Saris!

Is Shah Rukh Khan finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that he’s closing in on five decades of burdening the planet with turgid cinema?
First he blows a small country’s GDP on a shockingly bad film about an emotional robot.
Then he has an attack of the petulance, getting into a cat fight with some Bollywood sound technician (or was it a director?).
And now his IPL team Kolkata Knight Riders – a name which once again has the whiff of a ‘middle age crisis’ to it - has decided to do away with perhaps the one redeeming feature of the Indian Premier League; its band of rather fetching cheerleaders.
Beginning with IPL 5, which kicks off at some point this April, KKR cheerleaders will shed their flared hot pants (I think that’s what those things are called), ‘tank’ tops (how did they come to be called ‘tank’ tops?  Is it an allusion to an old double-barreled tank variety?) and instead don a garment which some consider to be the ultimate in modesty whilst for others is the epitome of sensuality; the Sari!
What’s more, out go the Pom Poms as well as the leaps and pirouettes, to be replaced by classical dance moves.
And the ersatz, frat-boy fans of the IPL have been dealt a final injustice with ‘foreign’ women barred from entertaining the crowds in any way at Cricket’s famed Eden Gardens, except for Amy Jackson who is reportedly buying a 0.0000000005% stake in the Kolkata Knight Riders for 5 billion pounds as a way of bolstering her burgeoning her presence in Bollywood.
Henceforth boundaries and wickets will be celebrated by several local women hired by KKR, draped in garish purple and gold saris, strutting to the music of Rabindranath Tagore; although it is doubtful whether the strutting will be even remotely vigorous.
Most interestingly, it remains to be seen whether their gyrations – irrespective of the level of vigour – will be inhibited by the saris.
Perhaps they should consult Madhuri Dixit.
-Tung in Cheeck