Friday, 13 April 2012

“I love Rajnikanth…and Jesus”: Rakhi Sawant

Unabashed publicity monger and everyone’s favourite (come on, admit it!) ‘Item Girl’, Rakhi Sawant has expressed her unreserved, unequivocal, unconditional and uninhibited love for Rajnikanth after the follically-challenged (albeit hirsute on-screen) South Indian megastar’s SON-IN-LAW ditched her at the last minute at a planned dance performance.
Ms Sawant, assuming her now-familiar, trout-pout-enhanced curled lip and crossing her legs a-la Sharon Stone, in a timely fashion, told the Times of India that she was heartbroken after Dhanush (what’s with the mononyms these days? India’s booming but everyone’s becoming fans of Madonna?  Move on people!) left her standing at a planned performance of something called ‘Kolaveri Di’; which is apparently a dance involving an exotic variety of curry leaf, according to my informed sources.
Thankfully, just as her emotions (I actually mean her hormones) threatened to go into meltdown, Rakhi Sawant found Jesus.  Yep, you read that right.  The guy on the cross.
She says, “I was told that his (Dhanush’s) advisers told him to stay away from performing with me because I am a controversial girl. He thought his reputation as a big star would get hampered!  I was very hurt, but then I saw Jesus' face smiling at me and telling me 'Rakhi don't worry, I will always love you!"
As her emotions (hormones) went into overdrive, she added, "Rajinikanth is my dream man! I respect and love everyone and everything attached to him! Dhanush is his son-in-law, and I am a big fan of Dhanush's songs and acting skills. Even though he didn't show respect towards me and treated me as an untouchable, I pray that his songs and films become more popular than ever! "
After having expressed her undying love for the South’s biggest movie star, Ms Sawant casually proceeded to tear the South’s work ethos to pieces: "Seeing what Dhanush did to me, I realised how nice our Bollywood stars are! Salman Khan, Shah Rukh Khan, Sanjay Dutt and even cricketers like Kapil Dev have performed happily along with me and never made me feel small or belittled!"
Kapil Dev?
That’s sailed over the long-on boundary!!!!
-    Tung-in-Chick

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